Being honest...
Well, I did genuinely think that my previous post was going to be my last, but perhaps I should have learnt my lesson from the previous time when I thought that! I was feeling positive coming up to the third anniversary of B’s death, and it was much easier than I felt it might have been. Since then, though, I’ve had this feeling of melancholy just sitting on my shoulders. Nothing too bad, not raw like it used to be, although there have been a few tears. And I wasn’t really sure why I’ve been feeling like this. Perhaps, a reaction to the fact that three years have now gone by without him. You’ve heard it before, the disbelief, how can that possibly be possible? Three whole years! Perhaps, it’s coping with the fact that my grief is lessening and so some of what I’m feeling is guilt: how can I be rebuilding and living my life when he is not here? I know B would want me to be happy and yet there is still that weird feeling that it’s somehow not right to let go of the sadness. It is st...