Christmas

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On the whole, December has felt like a dark month, what with the short, dark days, and what would have been our silver wedding anniversary, Christmas and the New Year looming, and yet, saying that, there have also been some days that have felt good. There seemed no particular reason why a particular day felt better than the previous or following day, but they just did and I was glad. I was beginning to think that I might just be able to start feeling happy again, until, that is, I started wrapping Christmas presents! I must admit, I haven’t really thought much about Christmas. I suppose I have been concentrating on getting through our wedding anniversary on Tuesday. Yes, I’d written Christmas cards, bought presents, and talked about food shopping with my sister, and these things had been alright. When I started wrapping presents today, though, it hit me just how different Christmas this year is actually going to be without B around. I had started to think that it was going to be okay, but now I realise that I may have been deceiving myself. What I’m finding, though, is that the anticipation is often worse than the actual event. So, it will be what it will be and, in the meantime, I will try to distract myself and perhaps I will have some better days again…


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