National Mourning

Well, I thought I had finished with my blog, but the recent death of the Queen has prompted some reflections. It was clear the Her Majesty’s health has been declining and, although her end seemed quite sudden, it was in fact, as Dr Kathryn Mannix pointed out, an ordinary death i.e. her slow decline had been apparent, if one cared to look. My lasting memory of the her will be of her sitting alone, wearing a mask, in St George’s Chapel, Windsor, for her husband’s funeral. With quiet dignity and strength, and at the most painful of times, she showed solidarity with her people by following the restrictions imposed because of covid and, as we later found out, in stark contrast to our government. And for that I thank her. 

Whatever one’s views about the monarchy, I think it is interesting to observe how the pomp and circumstance since the Queen's death has been playing out. I find the mass grieving an interesting phenomenon. Why is there such feeling for a person who most didn’t know personally? Why do people have such an emotional attachment to the Queen? Is it just the effect of all the media hype? Is it because individuals wish to pay their last respects and it’s simply the vast cumulative number of those who do so that make it so emotive? But it seems more than just people paying last respects, there is a lot of emotion evident too. Is it because it allows those who normally keep their individual grief hidden some measure of public expression? As I have learnt, it is important for grief to be witnessed. Clearly, there is a need for people to gather and to feel whatever they are feeling. So why does the Queen’s death engender so much feeling? I don’t know the answer, but I know it’s not possible to control one’s feelings. We may be able to control what we do with them, but they are still there. 

What I do find interesting is watching and listening to the media, though. I want to know what’s going on, after all it’s a big moment in history, and I have followed some of the ceremonial events. What I find a bit irksome, though, are the seemingly constant interviews with members of the public. Do we need this, I ask myself? Yes, people’s stories are important and it is important that they are recognised and heard – I still feel this myself and want to share stories about B - but do we need to do it on television? I tend to turn off at this point, though I do find some of the comments intriguing. I have heard several people say “she was everything…”. I find this difficult. Of course, Her Majesty was everything to her family, just as B was everything to me, but for someone who, chances are, never met her and who certainly didn’t know her to say this feels curious to me. Perhaps, it is me who is odd, but I just find it strange! One can argue that she was a remarkable woman, and that she has been a constant in our lives for seventy plus years, but she wasn’t everything. Others, I notice, mention loved ones for whom the Queen’s demise has created a chink where their grief seeps through. I understand this and, particularly over the last couple of days, I notice how the sombre mood has affected me, though I am doing my best not to let it drag me down into the mire of my own grief. Grief doesn’t go away, it just changes so that we become (hopefully) better at handling it, but some things, whether we like it or not, do re-ignite those intense feelings and I recognise this in myself. I know there are probably some I come into contact with who may wonder why I am still grieving. Well, let them be grateful that they don’t know the answer…

I was due to attend an art course from Sunday 18th to Wednesday 21st. What a nightmare it must be for the college and all other institutions having to decide what is the right action to take with regard to the new public holiday. I don’t envy them! And, I feel for all those who have had important operations or other plans cancelled. Anyway, I was waiting to hear whether my course would carry on or be cancelled. In fact, the college decided to shorten it, making it just two days. I get it, a compromise, but I realised that I just couldn’t face driving there on the Monday afternoon having watched the funeral (yes, I probably will watch it!) and arriving with nowhere open, probably unable to get a meal. It just seemed too lonely. I was feeling a bit of a wimp, though. Why was this so hard? I rang the college and they were very gracious and I shall attend a course at a later date. When I put the phone down, though, I cried, which was rather unexpected. I hadn’t quite realised how much all this was pervading my spirit. A friend had asked me the day before how I was coping with it all and I replied that I was doing okay. Well, perhaps I wasn’t quite as okay as I thought!

Generally, I find that it’s other people’s expressions of emotion that get to me. I watched the service from Edinburgh, and other events, without emotion, but the bit that really got to me was the hearse driving along the A40 to Buckingham Palace!!! Well, I wasn’t expecting that! Perhaps it was because it’s a road I know. Perhaps, it was because I could see the cars on the other side of the carriageway just stopped in the outside lane and people standing on the road watching as the cortege went by. Perhaps, it was because it was dark and wet. Perhaps, it was because I felt for Princess Anne, who must have been so exhausted as well as grieving, who was accompanying her mother’s body in full public gaze. I remember being in a limousine following the hearse carrying B’s body and how hard that was, and my journey was only 25 minutes and, fortunately, nobody seemed to take much notice, except for one older man who removed his cap, which was strangely touching. So, perhaps, it was just one of those chinks opening up that prompted my tears… 

Perhaps, one good outcome of the Queen’s death may be that we stiff-upper-lip Brits start talking about dying and death and grief a bit more. What I don’t want, though, is for the Queen’s death to detract from the experiences of others who are also grieving. What about all those other people who are also grieving the loss of a loved one in recent weeks? I hope their grief doesn’t become hidden, smothered by the all-pervading public mourning. The death of the Queen should not put the pain of their loss and grief into the shadows. Their loss is just as important and I feel for them. I mostly dislike the reporting of people’s funerals on television, the media making something that is intensely private into something public, but I have to say that, on this occasion, it was good to see the funerals of Olivia Pratt-Korbel and Bill Turnbull mentioned, and not over-shadowed. I have to admit that I have been worried that if someone I know started saying how upset they were at the Queen’s death, particularly if they hadn’t been that empathetic regarding B’s death, that I would get quite angry with them… 

So, I continue to observe, trying not to think about it all too much. As hard as it is, everyday life continues and, in many ways, this is just like any death, hard for those closest to the dead person, needing to be witnessed, but just on a very different scale!